I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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