I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
