I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
