how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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