My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
