My room smells like vodka and shame
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
