In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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