It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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