It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
