Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just cropdusted the office
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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