guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My dick has a subreddit
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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