My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
