I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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