yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
