You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
