Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
