Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
