This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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