I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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