This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
