i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
