Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
