im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
