He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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