Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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