Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish I only lived at night.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think your dad took our porno
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
