I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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