i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
