when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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