im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
