So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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