are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
