My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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