Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
