I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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