There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
