come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
