I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
