I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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