You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
