I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
