when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
