My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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