The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
