And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I deserve this hangover.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
