can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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