Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
love makes seman taste better
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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