You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
