There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
