no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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