drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
